To be wanted!

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What is it like to be wanted?  Isn’t that something that we all crave?  Wow, I’ve never really had this experience with Maddie before. 

In general, this time of year really sucks for me.  We have Maddie’s annual IEP and MAPS meeting.  Its a really long day, a lot of prep work, a lot of anxiety and stress, and I know I’ll be guaranteed to break down and cry at least twice during the meeting.

Part of preparing for the meeting is to find out who the next year’s teacher choices are, get input from other staff people, students who have had these teachers before, parents who have had kids in these classrooms before, and especially the parents who opted to move their child to a different hallway to avoid having a certain teacher.  Meeting the teachers is like asking someone out for that first date.

I’ve known them from the hallway, I’m at school a lot and with the other kids with me, I don’t exactly blend in.  And I think they all know that Maddie is in their hallway, and somebody will have to take her for the next year.

I have had some really bad experiences with meeting potential teachers.  It doesn’t matter if they are purposefully being derogatory in hopes that will avoid the fate of being chosen for Maddie’s teacher, or whether they are just ignorant and unknowingly make hurtful comments, its torture to hear someone rejecting your child, all the while having to still sit their smiling and nodding.   “Right.”  “Oh that’s interesting.”  “I see your point.”

Somehow, I don’t think grabbing the teacher by the shoulders and shaking her while screaming in her face “She is a CHILD damnit a CHILD!  She is perfect!  I wouldn’t let you have the honor of being her teacher”, somehow I don’t think that would go over very well.

Because it is Monday, and Maddie’s IEP meeting is this Thursday, I thought “gee I should figure out what teacher I expect to be there, and she might like to know that she has this meeting coming up too!”

I was able to have an unscheduled hour long meeting this morning with one of the teachers.  It could not have gone a bit better.  OK, maybe one or two comments could have been more PC, but relative to some of the others, if this had been a first date I think I might have proposed afterwards! 

This teacher totally gets it.  She was not hung up at all on where Maddie is “academically”.  She only cared a little bit about the Angelman Syndrome aspect.  The best part?  She talked about what a gift it would be to the rest of her students to have Maddie as their classmate.  The sense of community and how it changes the entire social structure and atmosphere to have a student with a disability included. 

She relayed a story about helping a student keep his support services when moving up to middle school, and was very clear she would be happy to step up and help Maddie if it ever was needed.  Maddie is not even her student yet.  Wow, I was just blown away. 

Its been interesting, that for the past 3 years, each teacher has had a personal experience with a close female family member being disabled.  I sometimes find out when I meet with the teacher during the school year or when we have an IEP meeting for the next year, and the teacher admits why her connection to Maddie is so personal.  Our potential grade 5 teacher told me immediately.  It wasn’t something she was ashamed of or that she was uncomfortable with.  She was proud of it.   

To have to make due with “tolerance” and hoping for eventual “acceptance” of your child (and by proxy yourself) … to be given this warm and honest welcome, its truly a gift.  Thank you Mrs. R!  Thank you.   

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